Altering a marriage contract

Greetings,

I am currently running through a very rocky patch in my marriage, my wife has cheated on me, etc. Part of my wife's reasoning is that she wants more "independence". I am willing to give it 2nd try and give her as much independence as she wants, while still protecting myself. We married under the "default" community of property in Germany - stupid, naive, whatever! I would like to know if it is possible as this point to change the "contract" to something else (anti-nuptial?). We have decided together to split everything down the middle at this point, and then from here on out, what is mine is mine, and vis-vis. But I want this to be done properly. That way if things go pair shaped again, at least the financials are sorted out. What else do I need to know and how do I go about making this new contract?

Please advise?

Cheers

I think it is possible but you'd have to go to a lawyer.

I recommend you consult a family lawyer.

What does she mean with more independence? Affairs? Or do you lock her up 10 hours a day (I know someone whose ex-husband did this...)

Sorry for your troubles.
Here is a link to general information (German) about marriage contracts. The contract must be documented by a notary which shouldn't cost much. The expensive part may be having a lawyer draw it up and make sure that it's water-tight and does not put one spouse at a disadvantage, e.g. waiving claims to alimony if that would put such spouse in financial need. You can execute this agreement at any time of your married life, it does not have to be done at the time of the marriage itself.
BUT: Any responsibilites entered into before the agreement is executed remain valid. If, for example, you have purchased a house and taken up a bank loan together to finance it this responsibility is still shared unless you make a provision in the agreement itself.

Usual disclaimer: Get professional advice.

Lawyer up and jointly enter into an Ehevertrag splitting everything down the middle. I've seen examples of super-complicated versions for estate tax optimization (i.e. wife technically has no claim but kids/charitable foundations do with a mantenance clause, etc.), but this sounds pretty plain vanilla. This must be done togehter with all terms agreed.

WARNING: Even if another lawyer has been contracted to do the legal legwork, the German convention is to set the fee for the Notar (some guy who just reads you the contract out loud and sends you the final version with his seal attached) as a percentage of your joint assets. Talk about this with your lawyer beforehand (they can be a bit creative and bundle the Notar into their overall fee) or face a nasty surprise later!

Where did you get that info from, Expaticus? Notaries are installed by the state and have their branch-specific regulations on fees. A simple notarization is not, if I recall correctly, linked to the value of the matter like a purchase agreement for real estate, for example. Lemme research.
My ex and I drew up a divorce agreement back in 1998 (I think) and the notarization cost about DM 180. You'll probably be looking at €150 by now.

EDIT: You never stop learning, marriage contracts have their own regulations.


So the notary's fees will be determined by the total value of whatever property etc. is being divided, minus any joint debts. I added "joint" there, the law only says "debts"; however, I cannot see gambling debts or others accrued by one spouse only being considered in the circumstances.

It happened to me personally.

Things such as wills, divorce and custody papers are generally "on the meter" (i.e. hourly billing) but, just like a Makler fee, the convention on Ehevertraege is percentage of net worth. The bill they tried to stick me with was so insane I thought I was on Candid Camera. I told the lawyers that had I know that were the case I would have never have approved starting the projecte in the first place and while I gladly paid them for their super-complicated legal advice, refused to pay the Notar. They agreed that they had not disclosed all fees, and handled it differently such that the eventual notar fee I paid was in line with previous documents we'd had "notarized."

These Notar spots are reliquinshed only upon death, and are as limited as NYC taxi medallions. It's a license to print money, as all they do is show up and read what the real working lawyers have already prepared out loud. It's a bit like having to hire a religious figure to "bless" stuff so it can be called kosher or sharia or whatever. What a medieval craft guild scam!

P.S. The real scam appears to be that they convince old married couples that the laws have changed a bit and they need to redraft their Ehevertrag to duck taxes ... and then they ring percentage-of-assets cash register again and again and again.

My boss, a lawyer himself, agrees that about 60% of them are crooks and bastards and scum of the earth. Thank you for once again proving him right
P.S. In Germany, notaries are lawyer with an additional course of studies.

Is this really what you want? What kind of marriage can you have when "what is mine is mine"?

Its not what I want, but how does one give ones spouse 100% (financial) independence when the trust is gone?
If everything works out then fine, pooling the resource will be part of the new plan, so it not as simple as mine is mine... but if not...

Don't try to judge me based on my question, the situation is far more complex. And I do not wish to elaborate in a public
forum. I am no evil wife beating bastard who has trapped his wife in the basement - just the opposite.

Thanks for the quick responses.

Cheers

I didn't mean to come across as judgmental. Marriage is based on trust and when you said, "what's mine is mine" I was just curious on why get "Re-Married"?

I hope it works out for you.

That seems to be the larger and perhaps more difficult question that you'll want to sort out. If all of this is "fresh" and new, you may (understandably) still be in shock and not yet ready to consider leaving the relationship. But if as you say "the trust is gone" you may want to look for some good reasons to stay. In addition to finding a good lawyer, a counselor/therapist could also be of help to you or the two of you together.